Day 19 - Zuma Ridge

When I heard that we were hiking Zuma Ridge today, I was like no way...not this girlie!  "I'm tired."  "My foot hurts." "I will never be able to hike a trail that hard."  As soon as I got back to my room I realized that my body felt incredibly strong...it was FEAR that was holding me back.  Being afraid is no longer an excuse and never will be again.  So I grabbed all of my stuff and ran to the van (purchasing some socks in the pro shop on the way, realizing just in time that I had forgotten them.) 

The Zuma Ridge Trail is a wide dirt service road that weaves northwest up the back of the ridge west of Zuma Canyon. The hike starts at the base of the flood plane and ascends to beautiful hillsides and views. In short, you hike at an incline for 1 1/2 hours getting as high as you can before it's time to turn around and head back.  I picked a point and set my goal.  I have never felt so strong in my life!  My destination was so close when I heard, "Turn it around."  Any other day I would have been relieved to hear those words...it was hot, my legs were screaming, my heart was pounding in my ears, and it is rattle snake season for God's sake. Today...today I was determined to reach my goal.  There was still one guide and one hiker ahead of me.  I asked to keep going until I ran into them or arrived at my destination.  Time was short, so I picked up my speed and got focused.  ~15 minutes later...I was there...I made it!  Not only that, but I was the second highest climber!  There are not words to describe how proud I felt and still feel.  The day I arrived, I was out of breath just walking to my cabin...and today I made that trail my bitch!  I am forever changed by this experience.

What exactly am I doing?!

Time to catch up after pausing for a few photos.  Wait up Michael C.!

View #1 from the "Top"

View #2  from the "Top"

Day 18 - The Butt (and Ball) Kickers

Things are moving in the right direction.  It seems all I needed was a little game of kickball to get my mojo going again!  Who knew I would enjoy it so much?!  Our team, The Butt-Kickers, won the game (two of the runs being scored by yours truly).  I was honestly very impressed by my speedy jaunt around the bases.  The other highlight of the day...I surpassed my personal goal on the Arc Trainer by reaching a resistance of 55 while maintaining my speed throughout.  Now that's a ball kicker!

Day 17 - The Chiro & The Chili Pepper

First...thanks to everyone for all of the support from last night's post.  I appreciate the comments, the hugs, and words of encouragementm. Where I started today is not where I have finished.  I woke up with even more bitchassness than I went to bed with.  Whiney, complainy, achey, depressed, and exhausted.  Instead of one day at a time, I had to break it down to one hour / decision at a time.  So first it was breakfast...I went w/out a shower, or washing my face, or even putting on deodorant.  I just threw on my clothes, tossed on a cap and some flip-flops and went out the door.  It was muffin day...translation...I had eggs and toast.  On to the the hike.

I DID NOT want to hike.  Stephanie basically told me to get my shit and get my ass on the van (please note that my dear friend does not have the same filthy mouth that I do, so it was much more gentle and less cussy) but I got the point.  Back to the room...I deodorized...got my hiking shoes and got my butt onto the van.  Today I was last on the van...last on the hike...but I did show up.   

After the hike, my morning class, and lunch I honestly felt like I couldn't move another step and that I might go postal...spraying pink frosting everywhere causing complete and total chaos.  When these are the images going through your mind, it is time for some serious sleep.  I called and let Jenna know that I needed to take the afternoon to get some rest.  I needed to recover physically and mentally.  Two and half hours later I was starting to feel human again.  Add that to an appointment with Dr. Ray, and I actually feel like myself again!  I was carrying so much tension in my shoulders it was insane...I actually had a knot on the back of my neck...ewww.  He stretched my legs, loosening everything up.  My body is ready to turn this bitchassness into some BADASSNESS! 

In other news, I crossed paths with Anthony Kiedis, the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, today.  He was getting his shirtless run on at Point Dume this morning.  He also had this perfect 80's porn star stache that was beyond awesome. I'm pretty positive that when he said, "Not a problem, thanks." when I apologized for being in his path, he meant "Hey Sexy Lady wanna get it on." After we made out I wanted to take his picture, but that just seemed tasteless .

Day 16 - Anger Management

Dang I have had a Sassitude today!  Mentally I am really struggling.  Word on the street is that week 3 is tough for a lot of people, so maybe this is just par for the course or a self-fulfilling prophecy.   Either way, it doesn't change the fact that I hit some sort of wall around 6:30am and have given new meaning to the term "wall flower".  Recently there has been some "real world" stuff invading my space here.  I know I need to stay focused, not worry about the things I can't control, blah blah blah.  I am really struggling, and it is pissing me off!  REALLY PISSING ME OFF!  Normally I would deal with this anger by eating, turning the anger inward and punishing myself.  When I can't eat, I get the urge to self-injure.  It has been a long time since I have been in that place, and I don't want to drop to the level.  I'm trying to "leave it in the gym", but I can't seem to get my head right...focus...and stop the negative self-talk.  It feels like I am backsliding which is horrifying!  I want to go home a different person, and if I can't deal here how will I ever deal at home?!  I need to stop spiralling...I am falling down a rabbit hole.  I need help, don't know who to ask, what to ask for, or how to accept it.