Bye Bye Layne Bryant

My Bad!  It has been way too long.  I started my new job on Monday, which has kept me pretty busy.  It has been really wonderful though.  I didn't realize that I could actually enjoy my work.  I have worked from home for the last 5 years...so I had to go shopping since I couldn't wear my pjs to the office.  I must say that I was so nervous about trying on clothes.  It was the first time in a very long time!  After the 20W became too tight, I refused to buy anything else.  I had one pair of jeans...tight ass - make your belly hurt - huge relief to take them off pants, 1 "dressy" shirt, and a couple of maternity sized T-shirts (nope...I don't have a baby).  Sad right?  We  started at JC Penny because I didn't want to spend a lot of money, then I realized I didn't want to look like a grandmother, so we moved on to Layne Bryant where NOTHING worked.  I was sooo discouraged!  Last stop...Old Navy to look at shirts since the pants weren't working out.  I decided to be brave and try on a pair of slacks...and they totally fit!  THEY FIT!! Yes...they were an 18...but NOT an 18W...and they were roomy!  The first piece of clothing I have purchased in 3 years from a store that didn't sell super-sized animal-print bedazzled blouses w/ big-ass bedazzled jeans...a REGULAR store!  I will probably frame those bitches.

Go Make You...and Me While You're At It

My last post sparked a lot of support from friends and family, for which I am so grateful.  There were a couple of comments that I wanted to highlight because I found them to be really helpful.  The first is from Megan, a kick-butt trainer from the resort who has continued to support me beyond my stay.
"You will have CRAPPY DAYS and you will have AWESOME DAYS!! It's HOW you bounce back from your crappy days that will make or break you.....So GO MAKE YOU!!!"  First let me just say, Preach It Sister!  You know the saying, "Old habits die hard."  Well, my habit of letting one "crappy day" of binging turn into months is dying a slow, agonizing, painfully hard, just won't let the hell go death.  This reminder was so important for me...I put on the brakes, screeeeeeeeeeeech, and got focused on getting back on track.  This has meant meal planning, getting rid of the junk, incorporating a couple of low cal treats to have on hand, and so far two days of 500+ calorie burn at the gym.  I was so scared that those 4 lbs gained meant that I had lost everything else (i.e. my endurance and strength)...ummmm so NOT TRUE...I rocked the shit out of that spin bike.  So here I am with my gym confidence back...making me!

 The other comment that I wanted to share came from my sister-in-law (well as close to a sister-in-law that I'll ever have given that I don't see the state of Texas changing its stance on same-sex marriage any day soon...but that's a different soapbox for a different day.)  Anyway...Crystal  who balances being a lawyer, a mother to a handsome 4 month old boy, a wife, and staying on top of her weight shared this practical advice with me...."1.There are some foods and drinks that are just off limits because I know I can't take just one bite or one sip. Like french fries and margaritas. I know this doesn't work for some people because they feel deprived, but for me I just don't think of those things as an option. And now it's not even hard to say no.
2. Make exercise a habit. I find that if I work out at the same time every day it starts to feel like my routine, and I even miss it if I can't do it. Crazy, I know.
3. Find a distraction. When you feel like eating and you know you shouldn't really be hungry, go shopping, show your dog some love, or do something that gets your mind off of it. And most of all, picture yourself at your goal weight. Really get into the details. What do you arms look like, your abs, etc.
4. Get lots of sleep. I feel STARVING when I am sleepy.
I hope these help! You have already proven you can do this, so let your frustration motivate you!"
Brilliant right?  So what this has meant for me....

1.  Because I have given in to certain trigger foods, I am now miserable with cravings. The 90/10 rule that allows me to eat for pleasure 10% of the time (every 10th day) is important to making this change sustainable; unfortunately, those trigger foods aren't ready to be a part of that 10%. So here and now I am saying goodbye to:

• Alcohol:  It makes me a food-slut.
• Pizza:  It leads to more pizza...then more pizza.
• Tex-Mex:  God I want nachos, tacos, and enchiladas just thinking about it.
• Restaurants where I never make the healthy choice ie. Chuy's

And maybe this doesn't have to be a forever goodbye, but more of a "see you later."

2.  I have downloaded the 24 Hour Fitness ap that tells me my gym's class schedule for the day, instructors, and class descriptions.  I have created a schedule for myself ensuring that I'm able to hit up the stuff I like.  Who knew that I would love spinning?!

3.  I just need to start taking some ME time everyday to do what I find enjoyable and/or relaxing that is not centered around food.  The imagery technique that Crystal mentions above is a good one I think, and it sparked the idea that maybe I needed a good reality check on where I am now.  Pulling out old pics and comparing them to where I am today, was a great reminder that in the grand scheme of things that 4lbs is almost undetectable.

4.  Lastly, I've been working on that sleep thing for a while.  I have also heard that lack of sleep will cause you to hold belly fat.  I decided to create a sleep routine that relaxes me an gets me into bed at a decent hour.

Well...I'm tapped out with the typing, and I'm sure your tapped out with the reading.  Until next time!

Love & Sparkles-
The Sparkly Queen

A couple of Saturday's ago, Emily I went hiking at Stephen F. Austin State Park.  I never got around to posting the pics, so here they are...


Emily, The Rabbit, and a Cliff Bar.





The start of our hike.



"Your Turning violet Violet!"

At least I should be by now...at the rate I'm going...swelling up like a ginormous round blueberry!  I not only fell off of the wagon, but I hitched a ride on a speeding train going in the opposite direction.  In short...I AM NOT ON PROGRAM!  I have gained 4.4 lbs which is everything I lost when I got home plus 2.  I am trying to figure out what happened other than that giant piece of chocolate-toffee cake from The Chocolate Bar that I fell into head first.  Maybe it was the giant plates of nachos eaten on 3 different occasions with a large frozen Sangria.  I know...it was the BRICK of chocolate-peanut butter-Butterfinger fudge.  Nope...the pizza...that's the one.  All of that crap combined with minimal exercise means that I was way over budget leading to an equivalent of 8 STICKS OF BUTTER oozing its way onto my once slimming waistline; at least mathematically and chemically this is how it works.  Unfortunately, the "WHY" goes so much deeper and is a billion times more complicated.  I am not even sure that I understand what happened to make me binge with the big-timers.  Since coming home from the resort, there has been a part of me that feels painfully lonely and super scared.  I don't want to hurt my partner by telling her these things, because I know it makes her feel like she is failing me in some way.  But I MISS my people from the resort...my friends...my trainers...the people who became my family.  I don't know how to do this without them...how to stay on the treadmill when everything hurts...to go to the gym when I'm having a bad day...to let people who are not them now how hard this is every single day or when I'm angry or depressed or feeling weak.  Instead of expressing all of this mess I eat until all I can feel is the weight of the food and the disgust with myself.  It makes me feel like a failure...the resort was my last chance to get this right.  I spent all of our money and then some to "make this critical change", and I come home and throw it away in a matter of weeks!  I AM SO ANGRY!  I need a support system and a new plan before I drown, but I don't know how to create this for myself.  Emily wants to be that person and works hard to be that person but for some reason I can't let her.  I honestly don't even know what to ask for.  So here I am allowing myself to cry for the first time since coming home, which feels pretty damn good.  NOW WHAT DO I DO before the Oompa Loompas roll me away?!

Just Needed a Cookie!

These Are My Confessions...

Sorry it has been a while since my last post (Thanks Megan for the Kick in the Butt...and to Wendy for all of the great ideas.)  I still haven't found my groove here at home, which frustrates me to no end.  Here are my confession...

1.  Emily and I went hiking at Stephen F. Austin State Park on Saturday...YAY!
2.  We had Vietamese food delivered for dinner...BOO!
3.  On Friday I was offered a new position....FANCY!
4.  We took Saturday's dinner a step further and had a Reeces Peanutbutter Egg for dessert....BOO...HISS!
5.  Joined 24 Hour Fitness on Sunday and got my calorie burn on...YAY!
6.  Ate popcorn (popped in oil w/some Earth Balance and Salt) in bed Sunday night...DOUBLE BOO!
7.  I lost another 2lbs this week which is right about where I should be given my calorie budget...HOLLA!

All in all, it could have been better but is sho' could've been worse.  I am proud of the good choices I did make and super excited about my new swank gym.  Now...here's Usher with his shirt off ;)

Even My Ears Are Tired!

How is it possible that I feel more exhausted now than I did when I was working out every hot second of the day?!  In part, I am having a tough time adjusting to the timezone change; however,  I never realized just how much the stress of life and work impacted my overall energy.  In this moment it feels like I have weights tied to all of my extremities and one in each earlobe.  I have been lucky to have Emily to take care of our meals.  We made a meal plan before I left the Ridge to ensure we had a clear count of our calories and to prevent us from make a run for the Border.  This has been very successful and has kept us on track; however, the consistency of my exercise has been less than stellar.
Monday - Dynamic Yoga
Tuesday - Last Chance Workout video
Wednesday - Nothing

I think I need to stepback, revisit my goals, and reground myself...and I mean soon.  It's so easy to fall back into old-comfortable habits and for whatever reason really scary to think about making all of these changes.  I also have come the realization that I really hate workout videos...they bore the crap out of me.  Until we can afford a monthly gym membership, I am going to have to get creative and find something I actually enjoy. I haven't had a moment to breath since I arrived home on Sunday night.  I feel like I just need to make it to the weekend so I can get my shiznit together.  I'll keep you posted!

Days 27 - 28 "There's No Place Like Home." - Dorothy

235.6:   My weight when I arrived at The Ridge.
59:       My cabin number.
28:       The length in days of my stay.
48:       The number of meals where I used Sriracha.
1200:   The number of calories I ate each day.
60:       The number of sweat towels I used each week.
2:         The number of times I changed my clothes each day.
16.2     The number of pounds I lost.
5:         The length in hours of my flight back to Houston.
3:         The value (in millions) of Harry Winston's Ruby Slippers, which I'm  sure would carry me home faster than my 5 hour flight.

Days 24 - 26 Love, Hair, and Disco?!

Wow!  I can't believe that I haven't written for the last two days, or that it is already Friday of Week 4.  I have been so busy attending lectures, working out, and spending time with my buddies before we have to say goodbye.  The goodbyes are going to be more difficult than I ever imagined...one day at a time, right? 

I started the week trying to push extra hard, knowing that I would be stepping on the scale at 7:00am Sunday morning; however, by Wednesday I was experiencing serious nausea (a symptom of dehydration) and was totally exhausted.  I decided that it would be best if I took a step back and focused on enjoying my final days here by taking the classes I love instead of forcing myself to double up on classes I don't.  This was also a good reminder that this is meant to be a life-long change versus a quick fix. This led me to a wonderful spinning class where I experienced my very first "runners" high.  I totally hit a wall, pushed through, and ended up with a huge adrenaline rush...I'm talking goose bumps and everything.  It was an epic experience!  Tina, a hiking guide, has been leading lovely stretch classes that have allowed me to decompress, relax my sore muscles, and focus on controlling my breath.  Lastly...I LOVE me some Cardio Disco Jam (see pic below.)  It is led by John, the Fitness Director, who can really shake his groove thing.  It is a fantastically fun way to burn some calories.

On Thursday I had my hair cut, which was an interesting experience to say the least.  It looks ok when product is applied, but it honestly wasn't the quality cut or service I was expecting and the stylist was a little crazy-town.  This was the first service that I wasn't head over heels about.  It was nothing compared to the work of Dr.Ray or the massage magic of Jonathan, both of whom play you like Harp!  I suppose that a haircut will never compare to a rub down.

Thursday's Hike at Solstice.

Hey Stephanie!



Our pace has really increased!  We are so proud :)

Time for a bath.

Colter and his flute.

Mustard plants

Today's hike at Zuma Reverse

Wait up girls!  (Anne and Stephanie)

The ashes of a mother who was deeply loved.

At the end of Week 4 you take a trip to the grocery with the nutritionist, Jessica.  Hi Elaine and Stephanie!

James plotting his Starbucks coup.

Cardio Disco Jam! (Stephanie, Jason, John, Elaine, Adela, and Me.

Me and Sam...our version of the Prom Picture.

John...minus the wig.

Day 23 - Tired Tuesday

I have been so tired today!  My legs are sore...my arms are sore...and thanks to Megan (an awesome trainer) my abs and ass are incredibly sore!  This made my hike and most of my classes a little less than enjoyable, but the good news is that I pushed through them and still gave it my all.  This week is flying by, and while I am ready to be home with my wife, I'm not sure that I am ready to leave the safety and predictability of the BLR or my amazing support system.  Like I said yesterday, I am trying to stay in the moment, but it is very difficult.  I am going to miss Stephanie and Jason cheering me on as I push through a 60+ resistance on the Arc Trainer, laughing at lunch with Elaine and Adela, and the emotional support of the staff.  Until the last day I am going to try to stay focused on the moment, and to continue to enjoy these friendships and support while I have it.  I have to remember that this is not the end, but the beginning.


Today's hike at Backbone Trail (Newton Canyon)



The sound of the water was so peaceful during the hike.

Stephanie and I dressed like Twinkies today...it was TOTALLY planned (or not.)

The view.

Another View.

Days 20 - 22 The Final Four

Can you believe that I have not been able to get my suntan on a single time since I have been here?!  It has been cloudy and cold every weekend, and this last weekend was no exception.  On Saturday I got a bit of cabin fever so I bundled up and covered up to sit by the pool while I read.  Sunday...I was all about the sleeping.  I guess the dreary weekends ensure that I rest up properly for the coming week, and this week is the start of WEEK 4...also known as my LAST week.  I am trying to keep focused on "one day at a time" like a good Alanon should so I don't let the stress of re-entering the real world corrupt my final days.  Week 4 is going to be about hitting it hard!  Steph and I took a second Circuit class instead of going to pool for the extra calorie burn.  Not only am I amazed that I made it through back to back Circuit classes, but I am mega amazed that I made the decision to try!  The mind shift that is happening is fantabulous.  I'm even noticing it with my eating habits.  This evening I skipped my dessert because I was...FULL.  Imagine that...I stopped eating when my body was like, "Dude, I'm done."  I am no longer eating like it's my last day on Earth, and the desire to do so is fading.  Sweet...right?!  Below are the pics from today's hike at Winding Way.