Days 5-7 Wrapping Up Week 1

Friday and Saturday were completely different from Thursday.  I felt so much stronger, physically and emotionally, and my performance was evidence of this.  My speed increased on the treadmill, I pushed myself harder, and I tried things (i.e. spinning) even though they scared the crap out of me.  I saw the therapist on Friday as well, and I am so glad I did.  I sobbed the whole session, but it felt incredible and I walked away with a lot strategies. I am supposed to be working on being more "authentic", meaning my outsides need to match my insides.  When I'm sad...I need to be sad and stop worrying about how that might impact other people.  It is not an easy task given that it is something I have been doing since I was a kid.  Growing up with parents who are addicts, I was constantly walking on egg shells. I didn't want to provoke depression in my mother or rage in my father.  It was a stressful existence, but one I learned to manage. Here, I find myself not wanting to put my "stuff" on anyone else because I know they are all here to better themselves and have their own mess to deal with without listening to me whine, complain, cry etc.  According to Essara (the therapist), I am not responsible for everyone elses' ability to set boundaries.  There is something freeing about that...of course I have to remind myself of it about 10 times a day.

It has been nice to have a full day of rest today, but I am really going to miss the dear friends I made who left this morning.  Erica, Amy, Ellen, and so many others.  I can't imagine hiking without you girls, but I will be carrying you with me.  It will be Erica's contagious smile and encouraging words, Amy's perseverance, and Ellen's positivity.  I don't know if you fancy-ass lawyers will ever make it over to this site, but if you do... thank you, thank you, thank you!  You have forever had an impact on my life, and I love you.

In other news, I lost my iPod during the beach hike Thursday...big bummer.  Not a huge surprise since I kept dropping shit out of my pockets like Hansel and Gretel. If you look at the beach pictures you can see a packet of tissue on the ground between my legs.  Of course I came home with the tissue. So my sweet wife surprised me with a new one!  She is loading my music and overnighting it tomorrow.  I am very excited since I have some open gym time this coming week where I will need to find my own motivation. 

I have also been experiencing a lot of pain in the arch/inner ankle of my left foot.  After the most delicious reflexology appointment (where I learned that it could be related to the kidneys), lots of ice, and Doctor HOY'S Natural Pain Relief Gel it is feeling much better...or at least like I am going to make it through the day tomorrow.  Em is going to be sending me some KT Tape, and I ordered a new pair of shoes for hiking.  It has been suggested that I try some Trail Running shoes, but they won't arrive until Tuesday.  I'll let you know how it goes.  Speaking of hikes, we will be reassessed tomorrow to determine at what level we will be hiking during this upcoming week.  I'm not sure what this is going to look like since it is POURING RAIN and FREEZING!  Wish me luck.

RECENT EPIC EVENTS

• I referred to a workout as "Awesome" and "So much fun!" and meant it.
• I met my facebook buddy Jennifer today for the first time.
• I hit my top speed in Cardio Circuit
• Finished all of my laundry
• I turned on my TV Saturday for the first time since I got here

Lastly, here are the pictures from Friday's hike at Malibu Creek (Fun Fact - M*A*S*H was filmed there)...

Hi Erica!

Look at the deer...so pretty.

Me at the 1/2 way point.



Me, Stephanie, Erica, Anne, Amy, Ellen,  Jason, and Others. Van One's Last Hike.




 Baby's Got CamelBak



Way to go Team!

Day 4 - Tears, Fears, and Chocolate

It is Thursday, and I'm still waiting for things to click.  I had a total panic attack during Treading today, which kept me from finishing the class and sent me into tears.  I left the room, returned and finished the last 2 minutes.  It was so embarrassing and frustrating, but this time I actually asked a trainer for some support.  Sam was a contestant on Season 9 of the Biggest Loser and is quite the inspiration and hottie around here.  More importantly, he knows what we are going through because he has been there.  He reminded me that that when my heart rate increases, it is going to trigger my fear and anxiety, but nothing bad is actually going to happen to me.  The only way something bad is going to happen to me is if I stop...if I don't actually make this change.  We also talked about chunking my workouts into 15 minute intervals and celebrating my success at each of those 15 minutes.  Then he reminded me that when I think I can't do it, to remember that I have already proven that I can handle 2 1/2 hours of physical activity everyday on the hikes. 

Sam's before picture.

So in the spirit of celebrating successes, I am going to start identifying at least 2 things that I am proud of and/or excited about everyday...introducing "Today's Epic Events"!

Today's Epic Events

• I completed a 5 mile hike!
• The hike was on the beach.
• I worked out w/out taking a break in "Ball Works" (This is sort of like basketball drills with a large exercise ball.)
• I ate 1295 calories today and burned so many more
• We had the most delicious chocolate covered strawberries (90 calories) for dessert...CHOCOLATE!
• I asked for help when I needed it.
• Stretch class felt awesome and worked out a horrible cramp that I had in my left leg

Lastly, here the pictures from our beach hike today.  You can also see some current shots of Sam.  Enjoy!

Sam...contemplating life...or just trying to look good.






The flowers were really pretty.



A view as we started to climb.





View from the top.



The Ladies lookin' and feelin' proud!



The Surfer and the Sea Lion.



Sam being crazy!



The dolphins...you just can't see them in the picture I snapped.

Day 3 - Shackles & Mountains

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"  The theme of today, or at least it seemed.  We were asked this so many times...during the "Emotional Eating" lecture, while kickboxing, and during "Mountain" class (which I will have to explain at some point.)  The obvious answer right, "To lose weight."  "OK, so WHY do you want to lose weight?  Dig deep!  WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"  Because...

• I want to have a baby
• I want to love myself unconditionally
• I want to stop taking so many damn medications
• I want a healthy relationship with food...stop eating when I'm full, eat when I'm hungry, eat to fuel my body, eat without guilt, eat without shame, stop eating in secret, and eat without emotion
• I want to live a long and happy life
• I want to be a wife...a good wife...even a sexy wife...or at least one who can get in and out of bed without doing this weird leg kick thingy for momentum
• I want to stop apologizing so damn much
• I want to run with my dog who wants nothing more than for me to chase her when we are at the dog park
• I want to stop avoiding my reflection because I hate what I see

I know I am here for reasons I don't even understand yet, but one thing I know is that today this stopped becoming about a number on a scale. My body is capable of so much, but my mind with all of its nasty doubt and negative self-talk is like wearing shackles.  I just can't find the key.  I cried 3 times today in frustration because I just couldn't get my mind right. After a lifetime of self-hate I think it is going to take some practice. 

Mountain class was the most physically and mentally challenging thing I have done in a very long time.  Here is a basic break down of how it works...

• Pick a cardio machine (I chose the treadmill)
• 4 min Warm-up
• 2 min Baseline
• Every 2 min for 12 rounds you increase your intensity (defined as speed, resistance and/or incline) until you reach the "top of your personal mountain."
• 4 min at the top of your mountain
• Cool down and stretch

For me, my goal was a 3.2 speed at an incline of 8.  I've never even walked at incline on a treadmill before.  At 2.9 with an incline of 6 the ugly words, "I can't, " came from my mouth and flooded my brain.  Do you know how much harder it is to do something when everything in your soul is saying YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN'T! But I DID!  At 3.1 my knees told me no way, which I've learned is just about the only ache you don't push through, so I put it back down to 2.9, hit my incline of 8, and held it for 4 minutes. I couldn't stop the tears when I was done, and while I can say I feel proud now they weren't tears of pride.  I was just so frustrated with myself...I should be the one person I should not have to battle with.  I should encourage myself, nurture myself, and love myself.  Until then, I'll continue to rely on the support of the trainers, my fellow BLRs, and my friends and family. 

In other news, I'm showing progress on the hikes and today's was great.  By great I mean I was still scared out of my mind, it hurt like hell, was super challenging, the views were amazing, our guides were awesome, and I totally finished. I am currently in the beginners group, so we hike for 2 hours, which ends up being 5 miles. Below are some pictures from today.  Love y'all!

The Ocean!

Beautiful view after a climb.

More pics of the water.

Part of our team. T.J. and Sean were our guides and they were amazing! She is in the front in the highlighter shirt,which all lead guides wear, and he is in the back in red.

How pretty!

Lots of tics, but this pic/tic is a little fuzzy.

Days 1 - 2

I don't know if I have ever been so completely exhausted  in my life!  Last night I was really tired and tonight it is almost painful.  Don't get me wrong, there is pain.  For me it is my knees, feet, back, and lower abs.  For others it is their shins, shoulders, quad, and/or some other muscle I didn't even know human folks had. I would say this is true for all of the newbies...word on the street is that it gets better come Thursday.  I will let you know if that statement holds true.  Despite all of this, I feel AMAZING and can't stop smiling.  Ok, maybe I did cry at 8:50am on Monday morning during my first hike when I was dead last at the bottom of a steep incline when I realized it was either push through the pain or lie down and wait for the coyotes.  I got ahold of myself before it turned into full-blown ugly cry, found it somewhere deep inside to keep going, and I finished...last...very last...but I finished. 

My very first hike!

Monday's hike was an "assessment hike", so today we were assigned to groups based on ability.  My group hiked Paramount Ranch, which is a movie ranch.  It was so beautiful and a lot of fun.  Val Kilmer is currently filming a western there and we stumbled upon a shot.  I heard "cut", "quiet on the set", and "action".  It was all so official and not all what you'd expect on a 2 hour hike in what appeared like the middle of nowhere. 

Paramount Ranch

Is that Val Kilmer?

This afternoon I got my but kicked in back to back classes of Cardio Intervals and Total Toning. I was pushed so hard...but my goodness I was running!  I thought I was going to straight up puke, but I felt pretty damn proud too.  In the total toning I worked with a 15 lb medicine ball among other things.  Really tough, but really awesome.  Because I know there are some future Biggest Loser Resorters reading my blog, I thought I would try to incorporate little tips as they cross my mind.  Here are today's tips...

TIPS OF THE DAY

• YES...you must bring a CamelBak (or buy one here) and you definitely need at least 2L.  You will and should drink the entire thing on the hike.  I got sick on my first day from not drinking enough water.
• You don't really need to bring a water bottle.  They give you one.  If you do it really needs to have a pop top of some sort.  When you are bustin' booty on the treadmill there is no time screw off the cap of a Sigg.
• Duct tape is a lifesaver for your feet!  It really works to prevent rubbing and to protect areas that have blisters, sores, etc.
Here are some more pics from today's hike....



My new buddy Stephanie.



The guides are in the neon jackets.  One leads, one is in the middle, and one is always at the end.

The Biggest Loser Resort - The Sparkly Queen Arrives!

So here I am in lovely Malibu, CA!  The moment I stepped off of the plane, I knew I was going to love the weather and the views.

View off of the plane.

It was, however, an incredibly long day of travel w/ 5 hours on the plane then an hour on a shuttle, but I have finally stepped foot on the grounds of the Biggest Loser Resort.  As soon as I arrived I signed a "It's not our fault if we kill you" document, had my weight, measurements, and BMI taken, then was escorted to my room.  That's right...escorted.  They helped me with my luggage, showed me to my little cabin, and walked me through the use of the air etc.  Here are some pics of my super cute little room.

Here's where the magic happens...and by magic I mean the God-given gift of sleep!



It's a shower, but I love the blue shower curtain.



OMG it's a TV!  I do not have one of these at home.



Here is my front porch and door.

 We had dinner (Tamales) at 5:30 followed by orientation where we learned things like...
1. No caffeine allowed
2. No cell phones outside of your room
3. Lights out at 10pm
4. Luscious robes available at the front desk 

On the way back to my room, I took a little tour of the grounds and snapped some quick pics. 

Hot Tub



Exercise Pool

The building on the left is the gym and the one on the right is the aerobics room.

 The Gym


I can't lie...I am totally overwhelmed and freakin' out right now.  It's scary thinking about making a change this big.  I mean, on the plane I was kicking myself for not packing last minute chocolaty snacks before the deprivation began.  This is not a healthy mindset...not at all.  I will just take it one day at a time...OK, maybe one step at a time.

Tomorrow's Schedule
6:00 am  Stretch
7:00 am  Breakfast
8:00 am  Leave for Hike
11:15 am Stretch
12:15 pm  Lunch
1:00 pm  1st Week Announcements
1:15 pm  Lecture: Calorie Budget
2:15 pm  Intro to Circuit
2:30 pm  Core Training
3:30 pm  H2O Intervals
4:30 pm  Circuit Training
5:30 pm  Dinner
6:15pm  Lecture: Spending Your Calories Wisely I

 

Da Do Run Run - Day 1 "Learning to Run"

Clearly I have not been consistent with anything lately except my ongoing cake addiction.  After a dream last night where I had the abs of a fucking Goddess I am back on the wagon.  Emily and I started our "learn to run" program today based on the book Running for Mortals.  Somewhat repetitive, but overall makes running feel feasible for those of us who would rather stick a hot poker in our tush in than run. Day 1 down...the rest of my life to go. What have I learned so far?

1.  Socks are critical.  I tried this a few weeks ago, and my new shoes blistered the bejeezus out of my feet. They make special running socks.  They are worth the investment.

2.  If you jiggle now, you will jiggle 10xs worse when you run.  Do not let this dissuade you.  Think of it as your body just shakin' that fat off or as a really neat trick.  Whatever motivates you the most.

3.  Get a good bra.  Running hurts the boobs...period.

4.  Invest in good shoes.  Have them fitted etc.  It makes a HUGE difference if you have 240 lbs of woman coming down on those knees and feet.

5.  The walk-run is an AWESOME way to start, and it makes the time go back much faster.  We walked 5min then ran 1 for an hour.  We had to skip a few of the runs because my arches were hurting so badly.  I think it is a combo of the facts that I haven't worked out in forever, I need inserts for my shoe, and that a lot of weight on my tiny feet.

 The book that inspired me to get moving.

 Who says Red and Shiny isn't beautiful?!

Lola was exhausted!  She collapsed as soon as we got home.