Welcome to My World

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Day 16 - Anger Management

Dang I have had a Sassitude today!  Mentally I am really struggling.  Word on the street is that week 3 is tough for a lot of people, so maybe this is just par for the course or a self-fulfilling prophecy.   Either way, it doesn't change the fact that I hit some sort of wall around 6:30am and have given new meaning to the term "wall flower".  Recently there has been some "real world" stuff invading my space here.  I know I need to stay focused, not worry about the things I can't control, blah blah blah.  I am really struggling, and it is pissing me off!  REALLY PISSING ME OFF!  Normally I would deal with this anger by eating, turning the anger inward and punishing myself.  When I can't eat, I get the urge to self-injure.  It has been a long time since I have been in that place, and I don't want to drop to the level.  I'm trying to "leave it in the gym", but I can't seem to get my head right...focus...and stop the negative self-talk.  It feels like I am backsliding which is horrifying!  I want to go home a different person, and if I can't deal here how will I ever deal at home?!  I need to stop spiralling...I am falling down a rabbit hole.  I need help, don't know who to ask, what to ask for, or how to accept it.


Anonymous said...

I highly suggest a session with Essera. make an appt first thing this morning and she will very quickly find the root cause and give you meaningful, helpful, timely and realistic coping methods.
I hope you are out of this funk/anger soon and continue to love your time there!!

Anonymous said...

Please talk to the staff there-- they will so help you--maybe you just need to talk and hear yourself to find the answer. Please please please do not derail your journey- i have been follwoing your blog and you are doing an amazing job--keep it up!!!

Miz Austin said...

I think that putting how you're feeling out there is a great first step. For reals. You are in a awesome place (in your journey) and that doesn't come without difficulties and frustrations. Remember that it takes, and you have(!!), strength to talk to people about how you're feeling. And what'd they tell you? Show on the outside how you're feeling on the inside, right?

And of course, your situation is not your destination. I love you, Wife.


BabyStepp said...

Auntie Manda,

I am thinking of you and sending big love!